I Love My Life

For the first time, I will talk about my being single.

I have been asked, probably a hundred times, as to how is my love life.

I have answered back, probably a hundred times as well, "I love my life!".

I should register that as my trade mark.

It's not easy being asked why am I still single. But I have gotten used to it.

My answers vary.

If I had the answer to that question, I have already written a book and made money out of it.

I am still single because Ryan Agoncillo or Keanu Reeves hasn't seen me yet.

I am still single because I am not looking.

I am still single because there is no one.

Yes, I am still single with a clean slate.

I never had a boyfriend.

I have never been courted.

I have never made any first moves.

And I never felt I am incomplete just for that reason.

Others try to give answers for me.

I am unreachable - huwaat!

My standards are high. What standards!

The guys are just blind. And probably deaf!

I am just insensitive. Duh!

I am prone to all those teasings. People do that for fun.

I am ok with it as long as I know that nobody gets offended in any way.

Friends, classmates, teachers, and even my mom's friends. They ask such questions.

I am not bothered nor irritated. I am quite amused.

If you have met me in person, you'll know why I feel great despite not having that love life.

I am blessed.

I love my life!

I hope you do, too!

Go With The Flow ...

It has almost been a month since school started. Right now, I am just going with the flow ....

-oOo-

I have been busy with the transcriptions.

I am not complaining because I am up to the challenge. I can still keep up with things.

Its just that there are some people I can't please. I can't promise the best of anything.

But I am doing the best I could.

It's nice because I get to meet a whole new set of people - across all year levels.

I could even have enough votes to be included in the PBB's Big 4 .. haha

Si Wendy nga nakapasok .. hehe

Of course, there are those that might be disappointed with the delay, with the quality of the print or even the content. I can't guarantee everything. That's the sad reality.

-oOo-

Transformers. Die Hard 4.o. Harry Potter

So many movies to watch.

Good thing I can find time to watch Transformers tomorrow with a dear friend.

Good thing that I have a single friend who has enough super free time to watch it with me.

Good thing that she hasn't watched the movie yet.

-oOo-

Die Hard Fan ng Die Hard.

Actually, I haven't watched any Die Hard movie in a cinema.

I have watched the first Die Hard through a huge TV in Melbourne, Australia in 1995.

I stayed late that night just to finish the flick.

From then on, I am hooked on Bruce Willis.

Yes, he is my ultimate action hero.

Hindi jud siya mamatay-matay.

I got to watch the second and third Die Hard through cable TV.

The second was OK.

The third was awesome, especially with Samuel L. Jackson.

Such nice chemistry.

I like the riddles - the President thing.

I like the challenge - the gallon thing.

I can't wait to watch Die Hard 4.0

-oOo-

After PBB

TV Life has been actually boring after PBB.

The 30 minutes or so dedicated to PBB before is now my 30-minute nap time.

I somehow got lost with the schedule of the other shows.

I am trying to catch up.

-oOo-

Darna

Hindi ako si Darna. Hindi rin ako si Cinderella.

Some ask how I am able to do the things I do.

I don't have a definite answer. I just do it.

-oOo-

Just Dance

I am so proud of our LA Officers with our Just Dance '07.

I am happy that I was able to help out, even though I am just the Academic Committee Head.

I am happy to hear that they enjoyed the event.

I am happy that it didn't rain that much.

I am happy.

-oOo-

Positive-Stroking

There are times when we can't feel the magnitude of our positive effect on other people's lives.

A simple thanks to some other person may be quite normal.

But for me, a simple thanks goes a long way.

It is what keeps me going.

I do things because I can.

I am not asking for payback.
It is nice to know that I was of help.

That matters a lot to me.

-oOo-

Appreciation

Of course, I can't do everything.

That's why I am grateful for those other people who do things for me.

I am grateful to those who listen to what I have to say.

I am grateful to those who are just there.

I am not the type of person who asks for favors a lot.

If I can do it, I will do it.

If I can't, thank you for doing it for me.

-oOo-

Great Minds

It's nice when friendship remains after all these years.

I am always proud of that fact that I have friends since Kinder .. hehe.

I am ecstatic to find that we still share a lot of things in common.

It's nice that after all these years, we still think alike.

-oOo-

Trust

Trust is a big thing to me.

Modesty aside, I think people trust me easily.

Unfortunately, I only trust a few.

I am happy with my friends right now.

Some I have known since Kinder, Grade School or High School.

Some I have known in College.

Some I have known when I was working.

Some I have known in Law School.

Friendships were built over the years ... over the months.

And I thank you all for that

Ano to? Farewell speech .. hehehe

Just going with the flow!

Everything

Maybe it's the lyrics.

Maybe it's the nice tempo.

Maybe it's the piano.

Maybe it's the feel-good rhythm.

Maybe it's Michael Buble.

Whatever the reason may be, I like EVERYTHING about EVERYTHING.

"Everything"

You're a falling star, you're the get away car.

You're the line in the sand when I go too far.

You're the swimming pool, on an August day.

And you're the perfect thing to say.

And you play it coy, but it's kinda cute.

Ah, when you smile at me you know exactly what you do.

Baby don't pretend, that you don't know it's true.

Cause you can see it when I look at you.

[Chorus:]

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times

It's you, it's you, you make me sing.

You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.

You're a carousel, you're a wishing well

And you light me up, when you ring my bell.

You're a mystery, you're from outer space

You're every minute of my everyday.

And I can't believe, uh that I'm your man

And I get to kiss you baby just because I can.

Whatever comes our way, ah we'll see it through

And you know that's what our love can do.

[Chorus:]

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times

It's you, it's you, you make me sing

You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.

So, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

So, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

[Chorus:]

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times

It's you, it's you, you make me sing.

You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.

You're every song, and I sing along.

'Cause you're my everything.

Yeah, yeah

So, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

So, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

All In My Head

As usual, there are a number of things running inside my head.

Well, that is always the case for me.

I may be infront of my laptop but the PBB is on. Si Big Brother talaga ... walang maggawa .. sige lang ug love team - love team ... luoya ni Bodie oi. And of course, I am looking forward to the fact that Wendy gets booted out tonight. I don't think I need to say more, on my behalf that is.

And there's the transcription thing. Honestly, I am ok with the constant questions and text messages about the orders and feedback. I can handle getting orders through text or while I am walking inside the campus. I can handle the feedback about the quality, content and print wise, positive or negative. I can handle the financial stuff. But I had a difficulty with catching up with the orders. My blunder, big blunder that is, is I underestimated the number of transcriptions to be ordered. So, the orders are quite delayed. But I am doing the best I could. And I appreciate all those who understand the predicament I am in, of which I hope I would get over with by the end of this week. I am grateful that I have people around me who understand, especially my co-officers.

And there's the school stuff. This is it .. third year na! Ever since, I do not pray for stuff like sana hindi ko siya ma-teacher o sana ma-teacher ko siya. That is because in the end, it all boils down to me - of what I can do, of what I can deliver. Instead of praying who my teacher will be, I pray that we'll do well. I know that there are so many stuff to read and cases to digest .. but this is law school and I knew from the very beginning ano ang pinasukan ko.

And there's family. Actually, we are doing great. But I can't help but think of my sisters who is not here in the Philippines. Sometimes, it feels weird na 5 na lang kami. I pray that all of us will continue to be fine and that my sisters will do great (and pass all their exams). Ai, apil di ko sa prayer na "will pass all the exams".

And there are friends. I pray that I do not let others feel left out. There are things that are not the same as they were. But I try to keep in touch. I won't let go. I can't describe how I deal with people around me. I can easily be invited to dinners, movies and some other stuff. What matters in the end is the fact that I feel comfortable with the people I choose to be with. And I am happy with the variety of people I am with.

And there's love life. toynk! joke, joke lang .. hahaha

For now, I thank God for whatever blessings that come my way and I continually pray for His guidance because I know that I could handle all these stuff with Him. ;)

By the way, Nel got evicted tonight, not Wendy. Next time perhaps!

Classmates

It may seem childish. But it's the truth :)

As long as I am in school, there will always be a part of me which will be sad whenever a new school year opens up.

This is because it's the time when I would know who will not be my classmates anymore ... for varied reasons that is.

There are those who would not be my classmates anymore because they belong to the other section.

There are those who would not be my classmates anymore because they failed in one or two subjects, or even more.

There are those who would not be my classmates anymore because they have to waive all their subjects altogether.

There are those who would not be my classmates anymore because they choose to transfer schools.

There are those who would not be my classmates anymore because they have decided not to attend school anymore.

Whatever the reason may be, there is that part of me that feels sad but at the same time grateful that our paths crossed.

I am just thankful that we had great classroom moments ... but then, I do hope it doesn't end there. It shouldn't end there.

Just to quote a friend, just when you found comfort and friendship ....

Although there is no assurance that things will be the same, it will sure be great to greet each other whenever we meet.

For those who belong to the other section and those who will be in the same school, not bad at all since I am pretty sure we'd see each other.

For those who I am not sure when I would see again, don't forget all those fun times.

Hai .. emote na kung emote .. haha!

But then, that's when you know who my true friends are .. those who, despite section and distance, there is still that bond that remains ... char lang!

Basta, ayaw lang ninyo ko kalimti ha ... mangimbita gihapon mo ;)

Of course, I wouldn't end this without extending my warmest greetings to my classmates, new and old alike. Cheers to another school year ... good luck na lang sa atin! Things may have changed. But for sure, I'm still happy with you guys around ... woohoo!

Tagged!

I've been tagged by my dear friend Maan .. as promised .. here goes:

Who is the last person you think before you sleep?

Usually, iyong mga taong kakilala ko na may problema, including me, kasi I pray for those persons before I sleep.

If you were drafted into a war, would you survive?

I guess so. Basta hindi lang bombahan ang headquarters kasi feeling ko hanggang dun lang ako i-assign .. talo pag-inassign sa field .. hehe

Do you sleep with the TV on?

Not really. But maka-idlip ako for a few minutes.

Have you ever drank milk straight out of the carton?

Yes, yes show .. fresh milk drinker gud ako :)

Have you ever won a spelling bee?

Yes, but I can't remember if I placed first. All I can remember is I placed third in Grade 1 kay mali spelling ko sa "tomorrow" ... pag-spell ko kay "tommorrow" ... hehe. And 2nd lang ako nung 2nd Year High School - tagal ng tie breaker nun hanggang nagkamali ako sa "mezzanine" .. pag-spell ko kay "mezzannine" .. sobraan ako sa double letters .. hehe

What is your longest fight with your friends?

I can't remember if I had long fights with my friends. But my 14th birthday was quite memorable because nagreconcile kami ni Maan .. hehe

Are you a fast typer?

Yes, I spent Summer '93 doing all those typing exercise sa typewriter :)

Are you afraid of the dark?

Nope

Who can you always turn to?

God

When's the last time you chose a bath over a shower?

Tabo forever!

Do you knock on wood?

Yez!

Are you drinking anything right now?

Nope, but I will drink a glass of milk in a while.

Do you think you're attractive?

Honest answer, nope .. hehehe

What do you want for Christmas?

Wala akong maisip pa .. sige na nga, world peace na rin ;)

Do you know the muffin man?

Hindi

Do you talk in your sleep?

Yes, if I am super tired .. I remember saying rollercoaster one time .. hehe

Have you ever flown a kite?

Yes, when I was just a kid .. pero usually failure .. either masangit or walay hangin

When was the last time that you went swimming and where?

June 6, 2007 - Paradise Beach, Samal Island - some kinda tan pa gud ako ngayon ... hehe

Do you consider yourself successful?

A few years back, medyo .. but not right now .. a few years after siguro :)

How many people are on your contact list of your cell phone?

Kapoy bilang

Have you ever asked for a horse?

Hindi pa naman

Plans for tomorrow?

Print some stuff, go to school, chika with people, deliver some stuff, buy some stuff .. very busy .. hehe

What's your middle name and why?

Sa Philippines, ang middle name kay surname sa mom .. so Matela. Middle name as interpreted in the US of A .. ah wala akong middle name na ganun ;)

Missing someone right now?

Yes, my mom, my sisters, my friends whom I haven't seen for such a long time

When's the last time you told someone you loved them?

Not sure .. but probably this morning, to my cousin Kisay

How are you feeling today?

Generally happy and contented

Have you ever been suspended or expelled from school?

Good girl man ako .. hehe

What are you looking forward to?

Too many to mention

Have you ever crawled through a window?

Yes, pagna-lock iyong kuwarto tapos walang susi .. hehe

Have you ever eaten dog food?

Not yet .. haha .. may balak

Can you handle the truth?

Yes, so help me God ;)

What 3 things you always bring with you to places?

My watch, wallet and cellphone .. actually, minsan walang cellphone and wallet .. hehe

Any cool scars?

The one on my thigh .. natamaan ng stick ng kwitis ata .. New Year injury when I was still a kid.

Do you like or have a crush on anyone?

Of course .. forever Keanu, David and Noah (erase na si Ryan Agoncillo .. hahaha).

Who was the last person you kissed?

My cousin Kisay

How often do you talk on the phone?

Not much actually ...

Do you talk to yourself?

All the time .. nawei-weirdohan na nga mga kapatid ko sa akin .. epekto daw sa sobrang study .. haha

Is there something you want that you can't have?

Yes, but I am quite contented right now and I have accepted that I can't have those stuff forever

Three things about the preferred sex that you first notice?

Height, Complexion and Smile

Who are you thinking right now?

Maan - galing sa kanya tong questions eh

Who did you last hug?

I can't remember who .. basta isa sa mga classmates ko na nakita ko kanina sa enrollment

Where is your phone?

Just right beside this laptop

What was the last thing you ate?

Mashed potato and chicken garlic with rice sa KFC

Favorite Color/s?

Pinakafavorite ko talaga red - it's the color of life, love, passion, courage and it attracts babies. Ok din ang pink, yellow, lavander and sky blue

Last movie you watched in the cinema?

Kanina lang .. Ocean's 13 with Felai and Alia

What song are you currently listening to?

Wala

What do you want? Now?

Lots of stuff .. hehe

What TV show are you watching?

Sira man ang cable namin oi ... hai.. I was planning to watch Lost pa naman

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?

HSBC representative .. hehe

Mission Accomplished!

Beach Escapade

One of the things I really wanted to do before classes are to begin is to go to the beach.

After our half-day beach last May 12, we decided we should head back to the beach before school starts. So, we decided on the date and I started sending text messages for people. I wasn't expecting that everyone would come but I had an ok number of responses so I was all set so to speak. Of course, I was a bit worried when I wasn't sure exactly how many we were.

But all's well that ends well. I had a grand overnight at the beach. Here are our top moments:

1. We've decided to invent new terms. The first term is ma-Jad. This means ma-sprain. After 20 minutes in Paradise Beach, Jad sprained his left ankle after playing a few minutes of soccer. Actually, he sprained his ankle over the weekend and seemed okay. Unfortunately, na-sprain uli. He had to go home and hop his way to the sakayan. Next time ...

2. The next term is ma-Rommel. This means losing your slippers. Rommel forgot where he left his slippers. The last time we saw his slippers, it was on the shoreline. However, we suspect that when the tide was high, the waves carried his slippers into the ocean .. hehe. Good thing he was able to buy another pair :)

3. The banca trip with Edin .. full-speed to Palm Hill.

4. The great hike from Palm Hill to Paradise. Amidst the scorching heat and slope, we made the hike since we wanted to transfer to Paradise. That's what I call adventure.

5. Fishing expedition with Edin. Yes, Edin and I went to the beach and searched for colorful and unique fishes.

6. Listening to James, Jayson and Kid in the middle of the night. Edin and I were already in sleeping mode but we can't help listening to their conversation. From Leonardo Di Caprio's movies to Sim's. They also had a game which I could only surmise as a bit complicated as Kid was almost about to give up playing the game and just drink instead .. hehe

7. Kayak episode with Edin, Jayson and James. Kapoy mag-sagwan oi .. pero experience na rin ;)

8. Taga-anay .. hangak jud .. hehe

9. Sugba experience with Mayetter and Rommel .. may na lang nag-baga jud :)

10. Never-ending exchange of stories with Edin, and Mayette (for a short time). Hindi kami maubusan ng usapan .. hehe .. mao na ang lingaw :)

Until our next beach episode. For now, back to school mode .. hehe :)

Hirits

-oOo-

Q: Kumusta love life?
A: I love life :P

-oO0-

Q: Papano kung magbago ang ihip ng hangin?
A: Eh, walang hangin :)

-oOo-

Q: Pwedeng lagyan ng kulay?

A: Hindi ako coloring book :)

-oOo-

Q: Pwede kayang madevelop?

A: Film ba ako?

-oOo-

Q: Bakit ka single?
A: Better single than sorry!

-oOo-

HEROES

I super love this new TV series!

I still get excited watching its trailer on Crime/Suspense Channel even though I have already watched its first 18 episodes. It really gives me the thrill!

Just imagine .. it's late at night, I am by myself watching an episode of Heroes. And then suddenly, I catch myself shouting their names - Peter, Super Hiro, and even Ando! Haha!

I am pretty sure I am not the only who is so gung-ho on this show. Why not?

Maybe one of the reasons is that I have this desire to be a superhero. Yeah, laugh all you want .. hehe ..

But, honestly, if I were to see myself in the Mirror of Erised in the Hogwarts School, I would probably see myself as a superhero.

No, I don't know exactly what my power is.

Let me give you a rundown of my potentials:

1. X-ray vision would be good since I am currently living as a four-eyed dork .. hehe. Of course, it would be the most logical power I would seek since I am wearing eyeglasses.

Sometimes, when people ask me to remove my glasses, I just say to them that I can't because if I do, they would be in danger. Think Cyclops.

Back in college, we had to do a powerpoint in computer class wherein we would advertised a new product. My product was sunglasses/eyeglasses that could zoom in/out, water proof wherein my vision would not be affected by the rain. See, I already have thought of my props.

So, yes .. any power that has something to do with vision would be great.

2. The power to read minds would not be bad. I think we all have this kind of power. We just have to enhance it so to speak. I'm pretty sure that I am not the only who has that sabi ko na nga iyon ang iniisip mo moment. Although, this would be pretty hard to prove until I tell that person before he tells me.

3. The power to move things. Be the spoon! Bend the spoon! After watching The Matrix and episodes of X-Files and reading all those supernatural stuff, I actually tried to close our door using just my mind. Yeah, call me crazy but I did try. From what I gathered, this can be done if you just think of that thing to move. Unfortunately, I have not yet been successful with this.

It's also fun to think that I could really move things. If I see an automatic door, I pretend that I can move it with my hands. Try it .. it's fun ;)

4. The power to see the future. I believe this power can also be enhanced. I try to do this by guessing what time it is before looking at my watch or by guessing who just sent me a text message.

5. Knowledge is power .. or make that memory :) There are things that I remember where others can't. I am pretty sure that you also remember that there are things you remember where others can't. So, we already have that power.

I remembered the farewell message my former manager wrote for me.

She wrote: You know I don't want you to go but what can I do if you want to save the world"

See, I do have the makings of a superhero.

When Harry met ...

... his death :(

At last, I was able to watch Spider-man 3 with my sister yesterday. (I am quite delayed with watching the movies right now .. next on my list are Shrek 3 and Pirate of the Carribean 3 .. haha .. puro 3).

Due to time constraints, we decided not to wait for the film to begin and just catch it in the middle. That was fine with me ;)

But I was really sad when Harry died .. as in! Nagsacrifice-sacrifice pa siya ... namatay din pala. Kung sa bagay, ok din siguro mamatay na ganun .. hehe .. pa-hero! Ano ba itong kinukuwento ko?

I am not sure if my reactions were somehow influenced by all those who watched ahead of me.

It was still the same Spider-man. It was still the same damsel in distress (why does Mary Jane has to be rescued every time?). It was still the same story line with the other woman. And Harry died .. hehe ...

It was kind of awkward watching Tobey danced the way he did in the film. I liked him better singin' in the rain in Spider-man 2.

Before, I get confused who is who between Topher and Tobey. That was why I was kind of looking forward watching this flick. However, Topher was super bad in his role .. masama ang epekto sa image ko sa kanya .. hehe.

The storyline on Sandman lacked something. But I don't know what that thing is.

I wasn't so amazed unlike the first one. But I did not regret watching it. It is that sort of thing that you know you just have to get over with.

Oh, well .. 1 down, 2 more to go ... and more movies to come :)

Why

Why do I feel like I am in a rollercoaster?

Why do I feel happy when I made it to the top in an exam where many have failed?

Why do I feel jubilant when I passed a subject where a number did not make it?

Why do I worry a lot about those people who failed?

Why do I worry more than those who failed?

Why do I contradict myself?

Why do I feel responsible?

Why do I worry a lot on whether I will pass all my subjects?

Why do I think of what other people’s reaction will be when I fail?

Why do I think of what I will do when I will fail?

Why do I feel thankful but sad at the same time?

Why do people say I am nice?

Why do people say they are not good when I feel otherwise?

Why do I feel that my death is near when people mention that I am kind?

Why do people ask how do I get mad?

Why can’t I explain how I get mad?

Why can’t I remember the last time I was truly mad?

Why do people fight?

Why does friendship end?

Why do some people don’t work that much?

Why do some people work that hard?

Why can some people do the things they do?

Why can’t some people do the things they should do?

Why do some persons feel bad about themselves?

Why do people misinterpret things?

Why do some persons expect?

Why do some persons let others expect?

Why do some people generalize things?

Why can’t the exception apply to me?

Why do I think I am weird?

Why am I cautious?

Why am I confused?

Why am I like this?

Why am I paranoid?

Why can’t I do something more special?

Why can’t I be extra-ordinary?

Why can’t I be a superhero?

Or maybe I already am …. I just don't know it yet ;)

Swimming Beach

Tayo na sa beach
Tayo na mag-swimming…

Summer 2007 officially started for me at around 1:00 pm of May 12.

We had our last exam for PIL at 11:00 am to 1:00 pm.

As an exclamation point to my second semester in law school as well as the beginning of my summer, I decided to go to the beach with a few of my classmates.

We were not that many as I hoped but I understood that other people already had their plans and were probably gearing to leave for their hometown – considering that the national elections was held last Monday.

So, for the first time as I could remember, I was so willing and eager to go to the beach at almost 3 pm in the afternoon and knowing that we would not spent the night at the beach. But I really felt that I had to go since summer is not summer for me until I am able to swim at the beach. I just felt that we ought to do something to celebrate since we were already done with our last exam.

It was fun indeed. It was great to swim and talk at the beach. It was quite nice that we got to talk about some things and laugh about some stuff … hehe.

And so, I was able to do what I wanted to do ... although, admittedly it was kind of bitin. Thus, a good reason to go to the beach again before another semester begins … woohoo!

When The Going Gets Tough ...

The Tough Gets Going!

Ang Tanong: Am I Tough Enough to Get Going?

This song reminds me of two things: Ryan Agoncillo and Boyzone. (things ba daw ito?)

I remember Ryan because of that Penshoppe commercial he did before. I remember Boyzone because they have a version of that song.

Anyhow, the song is very apt with law school life.

Last year, there were 4 sections in first year. Now, there are only 3 sections in first year.

From the 4 sections we had in first year, it was down to just two in second year.

I do not know what will happen next semester.

Some say second year is the toughest year. Tell that to the first year, third year or fourth year. I think whatever your year is, whether you are a regular or irregular student, law school is hard. It is built for the tough ones.

April is about to end but I still go to school each day. I study at school kay tempting kaayo ang tv and bed ... hehe. Then, we have our exams every three days or so.

We just had our 2nd exam in Credit Transactions. I was able to finish it, but I was not able to review my answers. I wanted to add more finesse to my answers, as if that would add points to my wrong answers. The problems were quite long. I answered the last questions haphazardly. I could have answered it better. Oh, well .. regrets, regrets! I just pray we did well ;)

But that's not the end of it .. we still have make-up classes in PIL, 3 more exams to go and some papers to accomplish. So many things to do, yet, I am here blogging .. haha!

My second year in law school is about to end in two weeks or so. (without the grades pa ha)

Maybe I am tough enough to be in law school. Just maybe.

For now, I maybe tough to get going. But how far will I go?

I have two more years (unta two years na lang jud) before I graduate from law school.

From there, that's when I can truly say that I was tough enough for law school.

Ewan

“Ewan” is probably the most the appropriate word I could use in describing what I feel as to our Social Legislation Final Exams.

I wish I could say I didn’t study enough. I felt I studied just enough. Maybe it was enough. But what is enough? Ewan

I did go through over the formula. I did go over the definitions. I did take note of the distinctions. But why wasn’t I able to remember it precisely as I should? Ewan.

Distinct numbers were floating in my mind. These were the numbers I would use to get the benefits to which an employee is entitled to. But why did I get confuse on where to use it? Ewan.

My fervent wish right now is to pass that exam. I should be safe thereafter. But until then, I will still be in my ewan mode.

I know my grades are pretty okay in our quiz as well as the first exam. But just the same, a very low exam could make me fail this subject (simbako!) The bottom line is that I pray we pass this one-unit subject.

I don’t hate this subject. I am even ok treating this one-unit subject as a five-unit subject. And I like our teacher.

But the final exam was just complicated for me. Well, maybe, for most of us, or even all of us. I still have to meet a classmate of mine who will tell me that he or she feels confident with that exam.

Oh, well, I have to move on. I should not linger in this ewan mode.

Besides, I have a reason to smile. I did pretty well on our final exam in Administrative Laws, as in pretty well talaga. I got 95! It’s an amazing grade for me because I don’t think I have ever had this grade in an exam in Law School before. And it came just at the right time. I just felt I need to share it since this grade is my silver lining behind the dark clouds of Social Legislation.

I can say that I am happy and sad right now. I am currently grateful but worried. Ewan talaga!

I still fervently pray that my classmates and I will pass Social Legislation.

And on an additional note, I already got the result of my 4th exam in Civil Procedure. I failed ... I got 72.5. But I had an inkling of failing that exam after I knew the answers. But despite of that I am ok because I invested well in my first 3 exams. So, I am quite safe in Civ Pro ... so far. I pray that my fifth and final exam would be better than my fourth exam.

In the end, I just pray that I pass all my subjects ;)

Reflection

I keep two journals nowadays.

I keep a gratitude journal on which I write the things I am grateful for each day. I got this idea from Oprah (oo, close kami).

I keep this blog to write about stuff which I just felt like sharing to the world (or make that .0000000001% of the population of the world).

I used to have one additional notebook before where I just felt writing about anything. But that was before blogs came about. That was before I decided to keep one journal – which is mainly for those things that I am grateful for. Until I decided to just write in that same gratitude journal any other stuff I would love to write as well as those quotable quotes I get to receive and read.

However, it made me think if my journals are really reflections of what I think.

I am not saying that all the things I write are not true, because they are 100% true.

But can I say that they are not reflections of who I am since there are things that I do not write about?

It’s the same question that has been probably been asked from you: would you be considered as a liar if you decide not to tell something to some other person?

Probably. Probably not. It depends.

With all honesty, there are things I keep to myself. Some may be handwritten in my journal. Others are kept within me. And no other person knows about it. There are times I feel the urge to share it with someone. However, I try to stop myself because I feel that there would be no point.

All the things I share I write with the knowledge that people would know about it. That’s the thing with blogs. I filter my thoughts. I only share what I feel I should share, without any fear that anybody would get to read it.

The same thing goes for my journal. No, I don’t keep it in a safe place. It’s in my drawer along with some other stuff. Although I don’t really publish it, everything I write, I write with the awareness that somebody would get to read this.

And there are things which I keep to myself. I do not know exactly the reason why I keep things to myself. Maybe that is just my nature. But I guess, everyone has that at least one thing that only he and nobody else in this world knows.

Don’t worry.

The things I keep to myself are petty, most of them anyway.

The things I keep to myself would not change your life, I think.

The things I keep to myself I keep so as not to hurt other people, I hope.

The things I keep to myself would not make me a superhero, as if.

If it would save the world, I would let you know about it ;)

Independence Day

I would not be surprised if people would describe me as an independent person. I think I am, or shall I say, I project such image.

I think I am, in one way or another. The way I think shows how I do not depend on others’ opinion. I respect their opinion but it doesn’t mean I am wrong or that they are the ones who are wrong. The way I do things shows that I can do it without their help. Of course, I will be the first one to admit and shout for help if I know I can’t do it. But I try first if I could.

I think I can’t just say that one person is truly independent. Hello … we are social beings. Remember … no man is an island! We are living in this world where we depend on each other in all the things that we do.

But I am not referring to that kind of independence. I am referring to that kind of independence which affects on how we make our choices.

I think there was one time in high school when we were asked when was the last time I felt free. I wrote that it was those years that I was a baby. Of course, I can’t remember anything at that time (wonder child na ako pag-ganun). I just based on the fact on how babies live their life. They cry when they feel like it. They sleep whenever they can. They can choose not to drink milk if they are not in the mood to do so.

As we grow older, a number of restrictions are now being imposed on us. We have to obey our parents and teachers. And of course, there are those laws imposed on us, which we have to obey, even if we don’t what the laws are. (Pano kaya yun?) Basta, ignorance of the law excuses no one from compliance therewith.

Total independence is that being able to do all the things you want to do without fear or fervor, without care or concern. Just being able to do what you want to do. I don’t think anybody could have that kind of independence. If there is, let me know.

When I chose to go back and study here in Davao, I know I would give up the kind of independence I had when I was working.

I gave up being financially independent. Of course, I do have some money saved. But it’s different since my dad pays for my allowance and tuition. And I don’t share in the expenses here at home.

Unlike when I was working, I was free to decide where to go on weekends and Friday nights. I could be easily invited to go to places and do things. It was all based on my own decision.

But now that I am back here, I have a lot of things to consider. It’s not that I am being restricted, because I am not. It’s just that I have to let people know where I am and what time I get to go home. It’s just that I have to think that there are people who are concerned about me. It’s not that they are not concerned about me when I was working. It’s just that it’s different now because I am with them.

Unlike the past 3 years that I worked, I have to think of the people around me. I have to consider that I am living a well-balanced life – family, school and friends.

It’s just that there are times I can’t help but compare. When I was working, I could choose what time I get to go home on a Friday night. I could watch a movie with my officemates and have dinner afterwards. I could choose to just stay at home and watch TV, without worrying about those who worry about me.

During all my school years, I was never the type who would stay out late. I was happy staying at home and watching TV. Aside from the retreats, I can remember only 2 overnights when I was in college – one was for a project and the other one was for a deliberation for an organization. I seldom stay late, just for those occasional Christmas parties, school programs and the like. Asking permission was never an issue since I choose to stay at home.

Don’t get me wrong, I still get to choose. But being that person who wouldn’t want others to worry about me, I choose to restrict my choices. Unlike before when all I had to think of was me and work, I now take into consideration other factors as well.

Nevertheless, I am not complaining because I know I am blessed. A number of people in this world would love to be in my position – to be surrounded by such persons who are so concerned about me. I am grateful because I have lived and living this kind of life. I am thankful because I got the chance to be independent in varying degrees.

I may not be totally free nor do I wish for that one ultimate independence day. But it does not mean am not independent because I feel I am. And that is what is important :)

COACH CARTER

No, this would not be about the film starring Samuel L. Jackson (although that was one inspiring film).

This would be about Carter, Dr. John Carter.

Dr. John Carter is one of the characters of one of my all-time favorite TV series, E.R. He is played by no other than, Noah Wyle, of which I am a great fan of ;)

Of all the characters in E.R., Carter is my favorite. Aside from the fact that he is played by Noah, who is oh-so-handsome and who truly fits the role, I like Carter because his character truly evolved over the years - from being an intern to a resident, from being a student to a certified doctor, from being single to being married.

But why do I call him Coach Carter. It is because he had a number of lines in the series which have moved me.

Just last week, as I was doing my last-minute channel surfing before studying, a rerun of ER was being shown in the Hallmark Channel. I had an inkling that it was one of the episodes where Carter delivered some lines that I could not forget. I chose to watch (instead of studying … hehe) because I had that feeling that I should watch it. And it was indeed that same episode I was watched years ago.

In that episode, Carter was asking to be transferred from being an intern in surgery to being an intern in the emergency room. He talked to the chief of surgery and said things that really made great sense.

(I tried looking for the script over some websites but it takes some time)

He said that he knows he can be a competent surgeon, that he can be good at it. But he feels that he can never be great at it. He feels that he could be great if he would be practicing emergency medicine instead. He likes to be in E.R.. He likes to interact more with his patients, which is one big difference between those who work in surgery and those who work in the E.R. The Chief Surgeon just asked how old he was, 25? 26? And yet, Carter seems to be so certain of what he wants. The Chief Surgeon even said that at his age, there were times he would think if surgery was really for him.

That was one enlightening scene.

Yes, I would want to do something I could be great at. Unlike Carter, there are a number of things that I am not certain.

I have lived the past 26 years of my life just being contented of being good in the things I do. Sure, some people may think that I am great at some stuff. I thank them for that. But that feeling of greatness should come from within. Through all this life I have lived, I don’t think that there was one time that I was certain that I felt the greatness, true greatness, of being me. Maybe that’s the problem. I was contented to being and feeling good.

I hope that what I am doing right now is towards such greatness. And then, Coach Carter would be proud of me.

Great Expectations

The results of the 2006 Bar Examinations already came out.

Talk about great expectations!

There were a number of people I knew who passed the exam. Unfortunately, there were also some who didn’t make it.

It’s some kind of an awkward situation, probably one of the most awkward situations, where in you know you’ve passed and there’s someone close to you who didn’t make it and you are being asked if she passed. Take it from me ;)

Anyhow, if you were made to choose to pass the bar exam on one take with a 75 grade or to pass the bar exam on your 2nd, 3rd, 4th or 5th take but you topped the exam … what would you choose?

With conviction, I choose passing the bar exam on the first take. I know that being a top-notcher is a big deal. And I truly admire people who make it.

But I don’t think that they took the exam with the goal that they will top that exam, well, maybe some. If they did, what would happen if they didn’t top it but nevertheless passed? Wouldn’t they feel unsatisfied, unhappy and uncontented? To think that there would be other people who would love to be in their position in just passing the exam.

Sure, I believe in the saying that you reach for the stars, so even if you fall .. medyo naa gihapon ka sa atop sa inyong balay .. hehe

Being a top-notcher, cum laude and all those honors do not necessarily make a person. I guess you know what I mean.

There are people in this world who were just average students but are doing extremely well and successful in their lives. There are people who were so brilliant in school, but they don’t seem to be that happy, contented and successful in their present lives.

I believe it’s a combination. Work hard and use your fullest potential. Know when to strive and know when to be contented. Do not rest on your laurels. Do not be discouraged with failures. Stand up and be counted (huh? .. pang-election?)

Just do your best. If you do, there would be no regrets in the end. And if you made it to the top ... then, good for you ;) If you don’t, then, at least you did your best. Maybe you could try again.

I have nothing against those who topped those bar or board exams. I am pretty sure that offers from all over the world would be knocking on their doors for such achievement. But it doesn’t end there. One still has to work hard and prove that he is more than that title.

I do not dream of being a top notcher in a bar/board exam. I would not know what to do with it. Indicate it in my gravestone? Indicate it in my signboard or business card?

No, I don’t think so. I guess that would be asking for too much pressure. What if I will not live to their expectations, would they say that I was just a fluke?

I like to be the underdog most of the times. I like to underestimated. For me, this means that I could rise above expectations. It would be easier to make people happy, contented and satisfied. Less pressure, better results.

Trust me, I’ve been there ;)

*i am not sure what is wrong .. i can't post picture .. so plain text na lang muna*

8 MILE

We just had another exam the other night … but there’s more to come … as in more to come talaga!

I will be studying for 8 more exams for the rest of April … yes, 8 exams!

I think it would be easier if I would run a distance of 8 miles (with a few stops to catch my breath … hehe).

Oh, well, that’s part and parcel of being a law student.

But before I prepare for my marathon exams, it was great that I had dinner at Penong’s with a few of my classmates, had time to download some songs at Basty's and had a short chit-chat at Autoshop with some of my classmates as well. Energy boosters perhaps!

The Pursuit of HappYness

In my pursuit of happiness, I watched this film.

The first plan was to watch Dreamgirls with my mom and my sister. But I declined since I already made plans of going to the library for an hour or so (this doesn’t make me a geek – this just means I’m a law student!). I don’t know but I wasn’t really all-hyped up in watching Dreamgirls. I think I had too much of it during the Oscar Awards.

Anyhow, since they decided to watch The Pursuit of HappYness at 6:45 pm, I decided to watch it with them.

It was a nice film. Simple but nice – not much fanfare, not much drama, not much comedy. Just enough to make you think your own pursuit of happiness, and maybe smile and laugh a little (sitback and relax a little!)

And it was at that time that I thought about Thomas Jefferson writing that Declaration of Independence. Him saying that we have the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. And I thought about how he knew to put the 'pursuit' in there, like no one can actually have happiness. We can only pursue it.

These lines made me think. Am I pursuing my own happiness?

What is happiness anyway? Well, we could go on and on with this question. But I could probably sum it up by saying that happiness is that feel good sensation,

wherever it may come from, even from the most simple things.

So, can we only pursue happiness?

Well, not really. I think we can really have happiness. Chris Gardner in the film eventually became really and truly happy after those trying times in pursuit of his own happiness.

So, am I pursuing my own happiness?

I think so. I know it sounds like there's not much conviction in my answer. Maybe because if I compare the things I do to pursue my own happiness with what Chris did, pursuing may just be too strong a word.

But, yes, I do things to make myself happy. I do things to make others happy.

Yes, I pursue happiness.

So, did the film make me happy?

Yes, it did. It was nice to watch. Tears were not needed so that I can say it was a nice film.

It was simple. It had its funny moments, especially with the kid around.

So, how am I doing?

I am happy.

And I continue to pursue happYness.