When The Going Gets Tough ...

The Tough Gets Going!

Ang Tanong: Am I Tough Enough to Get Going?

This song reminds me of two things: Ryan Agoncillo and Boyzone. (things ba daw ito?)

I remember Ryan because of that Penshoppe commercial he did before. I remember Boyzone because they have a version of that song.

Anyhow, the song is very apt with law school life.

Last year, there were 4 sections in first year. Now, there are only 3 sections in first year.

From the 4 sections we had in first year, it was down to just two in second year.

I do not know what will happen next semester.

Some say second year is the toughest year. Tell that to the first year, third year or fourth year. I think whatever your year is, whether you are a regular or irregular student, law school is hard. It is built for the tough ones.

April is about to end but I still go to school each day. I study at school kay tempting kaayo ang tv and bed ... hehe. Then, we have our exams every three days or so.

We just had our 2nd exam in Credit Transactions. I was able to finish it, but I was not able to review my answers. I wanted to add more finesse to my answers, as if that would add points to my wrong answers. The problems were quite long. I answered the last questions haphazardly. I could have answered it better. Oh, well .. regrets, regrets! I just pray we did well ;)

But that's not the end of it .. we still have make-up classes in PIL, 3 more exams to go and some papers to accomplish. So many things to do, yet, I am here blogging .. haha!

My second year in law school is about to end in two weeks or so. (without the grades pa ha)

Maybe I am tough enough to be in law school. Just maybe.

For now, I maybe tough to get going. But how far will I go?

I have two more years (unta two years na lang jud) before I graduate from law school.

From there, that's when I can truly say that I was tough enough for law school.

Ewan

“Ewan” is probably the most the appropriate word I could use in describing what I feel as to our Social Legislation Final Exams.

I wish I could say I didn’t study enough. I felt I studied just enough. Maybe it was enough. But what is enough? Ewan

I did go through over the formula. I did go over the definitions. I did take note of the distinctions. But why wasn’t I able to remember it precisely as I should? Ewan.

Distinct numbers were floating in my mind. These were the numbers I would use to get the benefits to which an employee is entitled to. But why did I get confuse on where to use it? Ewan.

My fervent wish right now is to pass that exam. I should be safe thereafter. But until then, I will still be in my ewan mode.

I know my grades are pretty okay in our quiz as well as the first exam. But just the same, a very low exam could make me fail this subject (simbako!) The bottom line is that I pray we pass this one-unit subject.

I don’t hate this subject. I am even ok treating this one-unit subject as a five-unit subject. And I like our teacher.

But the final exam was just complicated for me. Well, maybe, for most of us, or even all of us. I still have to meet a classmate of mine who will tell me that he or she feels confident with that exam.

Oh, well, I have to move on. I should not linger in this ewan mode.

Besides, I have a reason to smile. I did pretty well on our final exam in Administrative Laws, as in pretty well talaga. I got 95! It’s an amazing grade for me because I don’t think I have ever had this grade in an exam in Law School before. And it came just at the right time. I just felt I need to share it since this grade is my silver lining behind the dark clouds of Social Legislation.

I can say that I am happy and sad right now. I am currently grateful but worried. Ewan talaga!

I still fervently pray that my classmates and I will pass Social Legislation.

And on an additional note, I already got the result of my 4th exam in Civil Procedure. I failed ... I got 72.5. But I had an inkling of failing that exam after I knew the answers. But despite of that I am ok because I invested well in my first 3 exams. So, I am quite safe in Civ Pro ... so far. I pray that my fifth and final exam would be better than my fourth exam.

In the end, I just pray that I pass all my subjects ;)

Reflection

I keep two journals nowadays.

I keep a gratitude journal on which I write the things I am grateful for each day. I got this idea from Oprah (oo, close kami).

I keep this blog to write about stuff which I just felt like sharing to the world (or make that .0000000001% of the population of the world).

I used to have one additional notebook before where I just felt writing about anything. But that was before blogs came about. That was before I decided to keep one journal – which is mainly for those things that I am grateful for. Until I decided to just write in that same gratitude journal any other stuff I would love to write as well as those quotable quotes I get to receive and read.

However, it made me think if my journals are really reflections of what I think.

I am not saying that all the things I write are not true, because they are 100% true.

But can I say that they are not reflections of who I am since there are things that I do not write about?

It’s the same question that has been probably been asked from you: would you be considered as a liar if you decide not to tell something to some other person?

Probably. Probably not. It depends.

With all honesty, there are things I keep to myself. Some may be handwritten in my journal. Others are kept within me. And no other person knows about it. There are times I feel the urge to share it with someone. However, I try to stop myself because I feel that there would be no point.

All the things I share I write with the knowledge that people would know about it. That’s the thing with blogs. I filter my thoughts. I only share what I feel I should share, without any fear that anybody would get to read it.

The same thing goes for my journal. No, I don’t keep it in a safe place. It’s in my drawer along with some other stuff. Although I don’t really publish it, everything I write, I write with the awareness that somebody would get to read this.

And there are things which I keep to myself. I do not know exactly the reason why I keep things to myself. Maybe that is just my nature. But I guess, everyone has that at least one thing that only he and nobody else in this world knows.

Don’t worry.

The things I keep to myself are petty, most of them anyway.

The things I keep to myself would not change your life, I think.

The things I keep to myself I keep so as not to hurt other people, I hope.

The things I keep to myself would not make me a superhero, as if.

If it would save the world, I would let you know about it ;)

Independence Day

I would not be surprised if people would describe me as an independent person. I think I am, or shall I say, I project such image.

I think I am, in one way or another. The way I think shows how I do not depend on others’ opinion. I respect their opinion but it doesn’t mean I am wrong or that they are the ones who are wrong. The way I do things shows that I can do it without their help. Of course, I will be the first one to admit and shout for help if I know I can’t do it. But I try first if I could.

I think I can’t just say that one person is truly independent. Hello … we are social beings. Remember … no man is an island! We are living in this world where we depend on each other in all the things that we do.

But I am not referring to that kind of independence. I am referring to that kind of independence which affects on how we make our choices.

I think there was one time in high school when we were asked when was the last time I felt free. I wrote that it was those years that I was a baby. Of course, I can’t remember anything at that time (wonder child na ako pag-ganun). I just based on the fact on how babies live their life. They cry when they feel like it. They sleep whenever they can. They can choose not to drink milk if they are not in the mood to do so.

As we grow older, a number of restrictions are now being imposed on us. We have to obey our parents and teachers. And of course, there are those laws imposed on us, which we have to obey, even if we don’t what the laws are. (Pano kaya yun?) Basta, ignorance of the law excuses no one from compliance therewith.

Total independence is that being able to do all the things you want to do without fear or fervor, without care or concern. Just being able to do what you want to do. I don’t think anybody could have that kind of independence. If there is, let me know.

When I chose to go back and study here in Davao, I know I would give up the kind of independence I had when I was working.

I gave up being financially independent. Of course, I do have some money saved. But it’s different since my dad pays for my allowance and tuition. And I don’t share in the expenses here at home.

Unlike when I was working, I was free to decide where to go on weekends and Friday nights. I could be easily invited to go to places and do things. It was all based on my own decision.

But now that I am back here, I have a lot of things to consider. It’s not that I am being restricted, because I am not. It’s just that I have to let people know where I am and what time I get to go home. It’s just that I have to think that there are people who are concerned about me. It’s not that they are not concerned about me when I was working. It’s just that it’s different now because I am with them.

Unlike the past 3 years that I worked, I have to think of the people around me. I have to consider that I am living a well-balanced life – family, school and friends.

It’s just that there are times I can’t help but compare. When I was working, I could choose what time I get to go home on a Friday night. I could watch a movie with my officemates and have dinner afterwards. I could choose to just stay at home and watch TV, without worrying about those who worry about me.

During all my school years, I was never the type who would stay out late. I was happy staying at home and watching TV. Aside from the retreats, I can remember only 2 overnights when I was in college – one was for a project and the other one was for a deliberation for an organization. I seldom stay late, just for those occasional Christmas parties, school programs and the like. Asking permission was never an issue since I choose to stay at home.

Don’t get me wrong, I still get to choose. But being that person who wouldn’t want others to worry about me, I choose to restrict my choices. Unlike before when all I had to think of was me and work, I now take into consideration other factors as well.

Nevertheless, I am not complaining because I know I am blessed. A number of people in this world would love to be in my position – to be surrounded by such persons who are so concerned about me. I am grateful because I have lived and living this kind of life. I am thankful because I got the chance to be independent in varying degrees.

I may not be totally free nor do I wish for that one ultimate independence day. But it does not mean am not independent because I feel I am. And that is what is important :)

COACH CARTER

No, this would not be about the film starring Samuel L. Jackson (although that was one inspiring film).

This would be about Carter, Dr. John Carter.

Dr. John Carter is one of the characters of one of my all-time favorite TV series, E.R. He is played by no other than, Noah Wyle, of which I am a great fan of ;)

Of all the characters in E.R., Carter is my favorite. Aside from the fact that he is played by Noah, who is oh-so-handsome and who truly fits the role, I like Carter because his character truly evolved over the years - from being an intern to a resident, from being a student to a certified doctor, from being single to being married.

But why do I call him Coach Carter. It is because he had a number of lines in the series which have moved me.

Just last week, as I was doing my last-minute channel surfing before studying, a rerun of ER was being shown in the Hallmark Channel. I had an inkling that it was one of the episodes where Carter delivered some lines that I could not forget. I chose to watch (instead of studying … hehe) because I had that feeling that I should watch it. And it was indeed that same episode I was watched years ago.

In that episode, Carter was asking to be transferred from being an intern in surgery to being an intern in the emergency room. He talked to the chief of surgery and said things that really made great sense.

(I tried looking for the script over some websites but it takes some time)

He said that he knows he can be a competent surgeon, that he can be good at it. But he feels that he can never be great at it. He feels that he could be great if he would be practicing emergency medicine instead. He likes to be in E.R.. He likes to interact more with his patients, which is one big difference between those who work in surgery and those who work in the E.R. The Chief Surgeon just asked how old he was, 25? 26? And yet, Carter seems to be so certain of what he wants. The Chief Surgeon even said that at his age, there were times he would think if surgery was really for him.

That was one enlightening scene.

Yes, I would want to do something I could be great at. Unlike Carter, there are a number of things that I am not certain.

I have lived the past 26 years of my life just being contented of being good in the things I do. Sure, some people may think that I am great at some stuff. I thank them for that. But that feeling of greatness should come from within. Through all this life I have lived, I don’t think that there was one time that I was certain that I felt the greatness, true greatness, of being me. Maybe that’s the problem. I was contented to being and feeling good.

I hope that what I am doing right now is towards such greatness. And then, Coach Carter would be proud of me.

Great Expectations

The results of the 2006 Bar Examinations already came out.

Talk about great expectations!

There were a number of people I knew who passed the exam. Unfortunately, there were also some who didn’t make it.

It’s some kind of an awkward situation, probably one of the most awkward situations, where in you know you’ve passed and there’s someone close to you who didn’t make it and you are being asked if she passed. Take it from me ;)

Anyhow, if you were made to choose to pass the bar exam on one take with a 75 grade or to pass the bar exam on your 2nd, 3rd, 4th or 5th take but you topped the exam … what would you choose?

With conviction, I choose passing the bar exam on the first take. I know that being a top-notcher is a big deal. And I truly admire people who make it.

But I don’t think that they took the exam with the goal that they will top that exam, well, maybe some. If they did, what would happen if they didn’t top it but nevertheless passed? Wouldn’t they feel unsatisfied, unhappy and uncontented? To think that there would be other people who would love to be in their position in just passing the exam.

Sure, I believe in the saying that you reach for the stars, so even if you fall .. medyo naa gihapon ka sa atop sa inyong balay .. hehe

Being a top-notcher, cum laude and all those honors do not necessarily make a person. I guess you know what I mean.

There are people in this world who were just average students but are doing extremely well and successful in their lives. There are people who were so brilliant in school, but they don’t seem to be that happy, contented and successful in their present lives.

I believe it’s a combination. Work hard and use your fullest potential. Know when to strive and know when to be contented. Do not rest on your laurels. Do not be discouraged with failures. Stand up and be counted (huh? .. pang-election?)

Just do your best. If you do, there would be no regrets in the end. And if you made it to the top ... then, good for you ;) If you don’t, then, at least you did your best. Maybe you could try again.

I have nothing against those who topped those bar or board exams. I am pretty sure that offers from all over the world would be knocking on their doors for such achievement. But it doesn’t end there. One still has to work hard and prove that he is more than that title.

I do not dream of being a top notcher in a bar/board exam. I would not know what to do with it. Indicate it in my gravestone? Indicate it in my signboard or business card?

No, I don’t think so. I guess that would be asking for too much pressure. What if I will not live to their expectations, would they say that I was just a fluke?

I like to be the underdog most of the times. I like to underestimated. For me, this means that I could rise above expectations. It would be easier to make people happy, contented and satisfied. Less pressure, better results.

Trust me, I’ve been there ;)

*i am not sure what is wrong .. i can't post picture .. so plain text na lang muna*

8 MILE

We just had another exam the other night … but there’s more to come … as in more to come talaga!

I will be studying for 8 more exams for the rest of April … yes, 8 exams!

I think it would be easier if I would run a distance of 8 miles (with a few stops to catch my breath … hehe).

Oh, well, that’s part and parcel of being a law student.

But before I prepare for my marathon exams, it was great that I had dinner at Penong’s with a few of my classmates, had time to download some songs at Basty's and had a short chit-chat at Autoshop with some of my classmates as well. Energy boosters perhaps!

The Pursuit of HappYness

In my pursuit of happiness, I watched this film.

The first plan was to watch Dreamgirls with my mom and my sister. But I declined since I already made plans of going to the library for an hour or so (this doesn’t make me a geek – this just means I’m a law student!). I don’t know but I wasn’t really all-hyped up in watching Dreamgirls. I think I had too much of it during the Oscar Awards.

Anyhow, since they decided to watch The Pursuit of HappYness at 6:45 pm, I decided to watch it with them.

It was a nice film. Simple but nice – not much fanfare, not much drama, not much comedy. Just enough to make you think your own pursuit of happiness, and maybe smile and laugh a little (sitback and relax a little!)

And it was at that time that I thought about Thomas Jefferson writing that Declaration of Independence. Him saying that we have the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. And I thought about how he knew to put the 'pursuit' in there, like no one can actually have happiness. We can only pursue it.

These lines made me think. Am I pursuing my own happiness?

What is happiness anyway? Well, we could go on and on with this question. But I could probably sum it up by saying that happiness is that feel good sensation,

wherever it may come from, even from the most simple things.

So, can we only pursue happiness?

Well, not really. I think we can really have happiness. Chris Gardner in the film eventually became really and truly happy after those trying times in pursuit of his own happiness.

So, am I pursuing my own happiness?

I think so. I know it sounds like there's not much conviction in my answer. Maybe because if I compare the things I do to pursue my own happiness with what Chris did, pursuing may just be too strong a word.

But, yes, I do things to make myself happy. I do things to make others happy.

Yes, I pursue happiness.

So, did the film make me happy?

Yes, it did. It was nice to watch. Tears were not needed so that I can say it was a nice film.

It was simple. It had its funny moments, especially with the kid around.

So, how am I doing?

I am happy.

And I continue to pursue happYness.